So: tomorrow I’m off to America for a fortnight! It might sound like an incredible holiday to most people, but for me it’s more than a little nerve wracking. Not only does a 2 week trip to America have unfortunate connotations for me due to our 2010 America trip (a long story which I’m not going to go into), it also makes me ridiculously anxious (thanks, emetophobia!). So this week I thought I’d write a little bit about how I’m preparing for this trip and the thoughts I have on it.
The very first thing I did when I decided it was time to start thinking about America (last Saturday) was making a list of everything that I needed/wanted to bring. I am a firm believer in lists – they allow me to clear my head and stop me from forgetting things (as well as therefore eliminating the anxiety that comes with the prospect of possibly forgetting things!). Here’s the one I made for America (in my bullet journal, which I’ve all but given up on):
After the list making process (which made me feel sooooo much better!) I just forgot about America for a few days, and trusted that if I’d accidentally left anything off of my list, my brain would just suddenly thrust it upon me.
By Monday/Tuesday, however, I started to get properly anxious. As an emetophobe, travel is hard – especially when you’re travelling an awfully long way to places you’ve never been before (so don’t feel comfortable in) with completely alien food! My one thought that has been consoling me though is the fact that we’re staying in my grandparents’ cabin (with them – we’re all flying over together) in the Colorado Rockies for the first 5 days of the trip, and not only have I been there before (so I know the area), it was my one place of refuge on the last trip, so I know it will be a safe area now too! Also, we’ll be cooking all our own food so I have control over that.
I started packing on Wednesday. I know, I know, it was very early – but I’ve been at home all this week and I couldn’t just leave my suitcase empty for much longer! I began to pack the things that I wouldn’t need at home (e.g. clothes, sleep mask, mints, crackers) and organise where things were going in my suitcase.
I also copied out our itinerary for the holiday, so I’d know exactly when we were going where. Luckily mum is very much like me – she has to have everything completely sorted in advance, so all our hotels are booked as well as all our bookable activities! I put little check boxes by each day so when I’m on holiday I can tick the days off as they go by.
This method had only moderate success – really, it just made me feel more guilty about the fact that I was dreading the holiday (as it reminded me how I should be nothing but grateful, and made me feel ashamed that I didn’t want to go).
Today (Friday), I finished packing everything else on my list and uploaded some new books onto my e-reader in preparation. I’m now watching television with my family and counting down the hours until we leave for the airport (tomorrow morning).
I’m currently anxious, terrified and wishing I didn’t have to go – I’m so scared that things will go wrong like they did last time. But there’s nothing I can do about it – I’m going and that’s that, so I’d better suck it up and get on with it!
I’ll try to post in America but I might not be able to (depending on wifi), so I’ll hopefully see you all again soon but I can’t guarantee it!
Wish me luck!
((UPDATE: Sooooo my grandparents were supposed to be coming with us, but my uncle has just told us that my grandad is currently in hospital as he had to have an emergency catheter fitted due to issues stemming from his recent radiotherapy. So my mood is now even lower – he’s still wanting to come so hopefully they will (as, although the doctors are reluctant, they will let him go if he really wants to…).))
((UPDATE PT 2: He managed to get out here! Honestly I’m not sure how safe it is for him to be up at the cabin (as the nearest place with a hospital/doctor’s surgery is an hour away), but he seems okay and he’s completely set on the idea that he doesn’t need help and that he’s fine.))