Today I made a big decision. I put the University of Oxford as my firm choice. In other words: if I get the grades, that's where I'm going to spend the next three years of my life. Fuck. Luckily, I'm probably going to do so badly in my A levels that I'll miss the offer grades … Continue reading #39 – Decision 1/5: made.
DISCLAIMER: I am about to come across as an ungrateful, self-centred bitch who deserves to be friendless. And maybe I am one. But I do love my friends with all my heart, and recognise that this post is a horribly ungrateful one - I just need to let it out, and here is the only … Continue reading #38 – Drained.
Conflicted. Do I eat or not? All at once, I'm convinced and terrified Dead set yet hesitant I want to starve and starve and starve Yet at the same time I'm scared Scared of permanent damage Things that can't be undone. That's my entire problem Throughout my life, I've been unable to commit I don't … Continue reading #37 – Conflicted.
This is my first attempt at rhyming couplets; it felt weird and stilted, but after accidentally rhyming the first large stanza I thought that I might as well attempt the rest. However, I am aware of its complete and utter failure as a poem, so please don't judge me too harshly. Depression is an ugly … Continue reading #36 – Another lost soul.
I am a bad friend. I'm not sure when the transition began, But somewhere along the way I have changed Morphed into a new person, so different from my values A shocking contrast to my ideal self. It's been a recent snap, a sudden change in attitude Triggered by months of minor stressors which have … Continue reading #35 – An epiphany on being.
Brambles twitch and quiver perforating my heart leaving ugly gashes in the muscle a cage of thorns enclosing further and further in deeper and deeper they go cutting deep, cutting wide I bleed and wither a sad smile on my lips liquid life, pouring out drops become trickles become streams become waterfalls it cascades the … Continue reading #34 – Back to square 1.
A fair warning: this is basically me just rambling, attempting to make decisions by laying out my options. It's a bit weird, and not even a poem, but here it is anyway... (plus the featured image is highly irrelevant, sorry - I just needed something.) I am torn. Torn between many things Choices that have … Continue reading #33 – Indecisiveness & Unease.
How can you help another When you cannot help yourself? I have been asked that question many times By teachers, friends and family It's come in many different forms, different phrasings, but always the same intent. A small smile was always the response Perhaps a wry shrug But inside I was sure of the answer … Continue reading #32 – Pouring from an empty jug.
Hey guys, This post is not a poem or anything even remotely resembling one, so if you were expecting one I'd click off now. Instead, it's just a self-centred ramble of thoughts that have been floating round my head and I can't seem to get rid of. This post has no point, no message, no … Continue reading #31 – A day of overwhelm – a ramble on life and death.
Death. The next great adventure? Who knows All I know is that I'm ready for it I don't care any more I won't seek it out But equally, if death comes my way, I'm not planning to fight I'm happy to submit To lie down To finally take a rest Let my eyes close With … Continue reading #30 – Death.